Why Aren’t You“Motivated”?

Rethinking the engine that drives us.

Photo by author.

October sun poured into my home office. The window cracked open to let in the crisp morning air and bird trills. This was the kind of day that got the citizens of a silver-skied Seattle to wag their tails with glee.

There was no wagging happening over here.

I was talking into a computer screen, to the three beautiful, inspiring, and encouraging women who made up my writing group.

My check-in was a tired repeat of months’ worth of non-doings: writing very little; procrastinating on sending agent queries, again. Breaking promises to write regular blog posts, to submit essays to publications. I abandoned books. Broke self-made deadlines.

“I don’t know what my problem is,” I whined for the millionth time. “I’m just not . . . ”

I was going to say “motivated,” but something in me paused.

I saw the word “motivated” dropping into its track like a gumball in its little machine. And on its way down I turned away and went for something new.

“I’m feeling . . . differently motivated.”

This is what felt true. Why?

Because on this day I saw the red velvet rope policy I placed on the activities I associated with being…