Member-only story
Confidence: Not Required
What if we didn’t create such a fuss over how “confident” we are?
When I was 29, I looked back on a wonderful New York City magazine publishing experience with this rather jaded quip:
“S/he who feigns confidence best wins.”
I shared this newfound wisdom with my friend Anne over cocktails one night. “It’s not always about being good or even the best,” I continued. “But there were a lot of writers in New York who were so persistent, and who so thoroughly thought the world of themselves, that eventually others did too.”
Anne nodded and looked at me with that recognition of hearing words put toward a previously unidentified feeling. We mentioned some people we knew who might fit the feigning confidence category, then ordered another round and started laughing at the whole idea that life is a charade.
Could it be we knew this thing we called “confidence” was there for us, too? Did we really know what we were talking about, or was I just making up a story around why some people we might call imbecilic were crushing it professionally? (Maybe it was sour grapes? Perhaps.)
What did we even mean by “confidence?” What did I mean by confidence?
Today, decades later, I hear it in my clients, the word “confidence.” I hear:
